


I: A Little Reminder

by Ducks



Series: The Ties Between Us [1]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, IWRY baby fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-11-28
Updated: 1999-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-12 06:38:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/121988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ducks/pseuds/Ducks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy and Angel find out that heartache isn't all they got at Thanksgiving.</p><p>Notes from the original posting of the fic:</p><p>Disclaimer: You're kidding, right? Do I look like they belong to me? I drive a ten year old Toyota with bad brakes...</p><p>Song Choice: Absence of Fear by Jewel, from her CD Spirit. FANTASTIC song. I highly recommend it!</p><p>Summary: All the hoopla in I Will Remember You leaves the door wide open for a stunning range of B/A chaos…</p><p>Buffy has been badly injured in a battle with a nest of magickal nasties. She lies unconscious in Sunnydale General, close to death. It appears that her Slayer healing abilities are failing, and at first, it is unclear why. But it doesn't take long to figure out that Buffy has an unexpected, and seemingly unexplainable, condition, which could kill her.</p><p>Setting: Mid Season Four. Several Months after I Will Remember You. You will notice that Oz has returned, and Riley and Buffy have gotten closer…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Near-Fatal Blow

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not one to apologize for my writing, but... this is one of my earliest works, and that fact is pretty clear writing-style and plot-wise. I'm posting it for posterity, I guess, and to share the kind of stories that were common at that time. Poor Buffy must have gotten pregnant a million times after IWRY.

Hospitals are often depressing places… cold, bare, full of the injured, ill and dying… little hope can be felt in the air underneath the heavy blanket of pain and sorrow that hovers there. Each waiting area is populated by souls… lost, confused, mourning… for loved ones a hair's width far from the empty non-being of death.

Sunnydale General is no exception. It's atmosphere is the same as every other hospital, only with an added tinge of fear, an irrational feeling that nearly overcomes the others. The injured, ill and dying here are almost always as much a source of mystery as of sorrow and worry… The maladies of its residents, both alive and dead, are frustratingly inexplicable to the average medical personnel. Animal attacks are the most common explanation, and everyone involved tries to ignore and/or forget the fact that the injuries never match the profile of any other attacks they can find on record-- Flesh completely stripped from bone…corpses utterly drained of blood, and a hundred other complaints that elicit a diagnosis of "Unknown Origin" on patient charts.

The waiting room on this cold, March morning is more crowded than usual… full of faces clouded with worry, who on the surface, appear similar to gatherings seen there on any other average day:

A quiet redheaded woman and her equally (at least at present) redheaded boyfriend sit on one of the uncomfortable vinyl couches, their hands clutched together for dear life. The woman weeps softly, and the man takes her gently into his arms, smooths her hair and whispers nonsensical comforts into her ear.

A tall, strapping young man with dark hair and smiling eyes stands nearby, his hands crammed in his pockets and his head hung low. In the chair next to him sits a thin, sandy-haired woman who, although she is new to the group, feels the pain and shock almost as acutely as the rest. This one, however, is angry and frustrated at the injustice of the situation and her own helplessness, where once upon a time, she could have done something about this… avenged it, at least…

Alone, a way off from the others, sits a tall, lean man in an expensive looking black leather overcoat that stands as a stark contrast to his Billy Idol-bleached hair. His face seems impassive--almost indifferent. But inside, he struggles with the fact that he is as upset as anyone else about the previous night's events.

Another young man, with broad shoulders and a sweet, honest face, leans heavily in the waiting room door, staring blankly into a long-cold cup of coffee… his mind is far away, remembering afternoon picnics, long drives in the country, and realizing a depth of feeling he had been unaware of, until confronted with the thought of losing their object…

A pair of older people, perhaps in their mid-40's, seem to be the most concerned of all. The couple (or, at least they used to be a couple) talk quietly -- the woman is explaining things to her ex-husband, the patient's father, that are unbelievable, at best. It is the first time they have spoken for more than ten minutes without an argument, in a decade.

A lone gentleman paces the hall outside the waiting room. His face is a mask of deep concern and irrational guilt for the condition of the girl who has been the closest thing he ever had to a daughter. His student… his friend… his Slayer. He fidgets compulsively with his eyeglasses, removing them, polishing them, and replacing them, over and over. It is a ritual he finds comforting.

They all share a singular commonality today: they are all contemplating the unfathomable possibility of life without Buffy Summers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doctor was young… too young, Giles thought, to have any idea what he was doing. But still, he confronted the man as he came down the hall and walked into the waiting room door. The others, with the exception of Spike, nearly leapt from their chairs at the sight of him.

Joyce and Hank Summers rushed forward, until the young doctor was surrounded.

"How is she?" Joyce asked.

The doctor tried to keep a neutral face, "She's… stable. We managed to stop the internal bleeding and repair the injuries to the lungs and carotid artery. We've also set the broken bones and stitched the…uh… the slashes. But she has lost a great deal of blood. And…there is another problem… slowing her ability to recover from the shock."

"What? What is it?" Hank asked, his voice desperate.

"Perhaps we should step into the hall…" he indicated the three older adults, who complied.

"Mrs. Summers… we took a rather extensive battery of tests to determine what might be preventing your daughter from recovering and… it would, uh… it would appear that Buffy is pregnant."

Joyce gasped. Giles gaped at him.

"I'm sorry." Rupert said, with barely a veneer of politeness, "Did you say… pregnant?"

"Yes. Roughly, uh…" he consulted the chart he held in his hand, "14 weeks."

"Did the baby… I mean, is it… alright?" Hank asked, struggling to keep his cool, fighting against the vision and the urge that overcame him to punch Riley Finn flat in his boy-next-door face.

"The baby is fine, which is surprising, considering the extent of Buffy's injuries. But it appears that what strength it has required for the child to survive has impaired her own chances…"

"Oh God!" Joyce yelped, and collapsed into Hank's arms. He shushed her and led her a few feet away.

"I'm sorry." The doctor said to Giles.

He was dumbfounded. "So what… what does this mean… for Buffy's prognosis?"

"It's too early to tell. If they both make it through the next few hours, we'll know better how to proceed."

Giles glanced down at the floor, fighting the tears that threatened behind his eyelids. "Thank you. Thank you, doctor…"

The doctor patted him on the shoulder and smiled weakly, "I'm sorry I don't have better news. But I will keep you informed if there are any changes in her condition."

"May we see her?" Giles asked.

The doctor shook his head. "I would rather wait to see what the next hours bring… unless… if something should happen, perhaps…"

Giles nodded morosely. "Alright. Yes. Of course. Please."

The doctor looked sadly once more at the odd family, and walked away. Joyce and Hank seemed unconcerned with telling the others, lost as they were in their own confusion and grief. They wandered slowly off, down the shadowed hall.

'It looks like it's up to me…' Giles thought, and shuffled slowly back into the waiting room.

Six sets of anxious eyes awaited him, each silently pleading that he be the bearer of at least some glimmer of hope.

He looked deeply into Riley's tired, sad eyes, and felt compassion for him. This news would be more difficult for him than anyone, for any number of reasons beyond his possible fatherhood. There were his growing feelings for Buffy, and the fact that he had been the one to find her, broken, bruised, and half-dead, hidden in the debris of what had once been a seething nest of vampires.

"How is she?" Xander asked.

Rupert's mind had been wandering, and the young voices brought him back to the harsh flourescent light of the waiting room. Buffy… dying…

Willow sniffled, "Is she going to be okay?"

Riley looked at Giles, "What's going on?"

Spike still did not rise, or even look at them, but he was obviously perched as close to the edge of his seat as he could get.

Giles cleared his throat. "The doctor indicates that she is… is… stable, but it is too soon to tell for certain. The next few hours will be key."

The gang stared at him -- clearly, it was not the news they had been hoping for.

"There is…er… the doctor has found that Buffy has some…condition… that is slowing her healing abilities."

"What condition?" Xander asked. Giles wondered when he had become group spokesperson.

He looked at them carefully, one by one. It wasn't his place, he knew, to share such personal information, even with these, Buffy's closest friends. That should be left to Riley and Buffy themselves, should she…no, WHEN she, recovered.

"That is still… uh… not entirely clear." He mumbled. Giles knew he was a terrible liar… at least when it came to his little family.

But the weak answer seemed to satisfy them, for now… They wearily returned to their chairs.

All but Riley… the young man wandered back out into the hall, feeling confused and lost like never before in his life. Her brilliant smile haunted his thoughts, superimposed on the scene he had found when he went to help her. The blood… the demon remains… the charred debris from the large house that had once stood there… and Buffy herself, her body bent in an impossible position, pale white and covered in hideous wounds and buckets of her own blood…

He didn't think he had ever screamed before… not through all of the horror he had seen… But when he saw the battered body of the woman he was falling in love with, he had bellowed with agony, tearing at the wreckage with his bare hands, crying hysterically as he fought to uncover her… He could barely remember that he shouldn't move her… almost forgot to tear the radio out of his utility belt and call for help…

Recalling made him feel like crying all over again, until he slowly looked up to see Mr. Giles standing before him wearing an odd expression.

"Riley… um… may I speak to you… privately?" he gestured that they should walk down the hall, farther from the earshot of the others.

Giles checked quickly behind him to be certain none of Buffy's friends had followed. When he saw the coast was clear, he turned to Riley.

"Riley… I was not completely…um…forthcoming, just now, regarding Buffy's…eh… condition."

Riley stopped in his tracks. "Why? What's really wrong with her?"

Giles fidgeted uncomfortably. "Riley…" He looked away for a moment, then back, "Buffy is…um… she is…"

"What?" Riley encouraged him, supressing the urge to shout, "Mr. Giles, please, tell me…"

Giles looked into the boy's eyes, and was suddenly reminded of another man so smitten… another being, rather… who had heard his beloved was prophesied to die, and had grasped desperately at some way… any way… to change what was to come… to defy fate.

"She is pregnant." He said simply.

Riley froze, his eyes wide, and stared numbly at him. "What?"

"It would appear that Buffy is… several months pregnant. That is why her healing process has been so impaired."

The boy continued to stare at him stupidly.

"Did you hear me, young man? Buffy is pregnant with your child! Have you nothing to say about that?"

Riley opened his mouth… closed it again…started to speak once more, and then changed his mind.

"I see." He said finally, "Is…is it… okay?"

Giles regretted his harsh words somewhat. Riley was already traumatized by the nights' events… and to add this bit of news to his lot? Anti-demon commando or no, he could be no older than 22 or 23 years old, and so much happening at once must be terrible for such a young person to bear…

'He should have thought of that before…' Giles thought bitterly, 'If Buffy dies because of this…'

"The doctor says the child is, surprisingly, fine." Giles told him, "What strength Buffy's body usually might use to heal her quickly, would appear to have protected her child, instead."

Riley sighed. "God… what are we going to do…" he asked no one in particular.

Giles felt another little pang of sympathy for Riley, and put his arm around the boy's broad shoulders. "We will, as Buffy would say, 'Deal'."

Riley nodded weakly.

"I chose not to share this with the others… her parents know, of course. Whether you inform Buffy's friends or not is your decision." Giles went on.

There was a pained silence for a heartbeat. Two.

"I don't… I don't know what to say to them." Riley whispered. He thought suddenly of Willow's warning to him, when he had first decided to ask Buffy out:

"If you hurt her, I'll beat you to death with a shovel."

How could he tell them this? That Buffy might possibly die because… and they would certainly blame him…

He was utterly at a loss. Riley wished desperately that he could talk to Buffy… she would know what to do… what to say. She knew the truth… what the others would not… the opposite of what they all would assume:

Only Buffy and Riley knew for certain that the child she was carrying was not his, because he and Buffy had never made love.


	2. A Mystery

Riley and Giles took their time returning to the waiting room. The others looked up at them, waiting to hear if they had any new word on Buffy's condition. Giles sadly shook his head, and the whole room seemed to deflate at once.

Giles took one of the empty chairs, but Riley remained standing, still deep in debate with himself about how to proceed.

He had to know… he had to know how this had happened… What had been going on behind his back? And just when he and Buffy finally seemed to be breaking through some of the barriers between them and finding a happy common ground they could be close on…

He looked at Willow, "Willow, can I… um… can we… talk?"

Willow's eyes were red-rimmed and shadowed… haunted… when she looked up at him. She saw his pain etched clearly on his features, and the humanitarian… the good friend… within her forced her to rise and follow Riley out into the hall.

Only Oz and Giles seemed the least interested in their departure.

Riley looked long and hard all around them, as if he were searching for something…

Willow scrunched her brow, bewildered. "Riley, what are you doing? What's going on?"

"Just checking for shovels…" he muttered to himself.

Willow's expression only grew more confused.

"Sorry." He went on, "Look, Willow, there's something I have to tell you… and the others… about…" he ran his fingers through his sandy hair, "About what's wrong with Buffy… but… I wanted… needed…to talk to you first."

"Okay… I mean, do you know what's wrong with her? You have to tell me!" Her voice rose at the end, becoming a desperate little squeek.

Riley looked at her, his expression one of frustration, sadness, and helplessness. "Buffy's pregnant." He said.

Willow gawked at him.

"Willow… I know no matter how I say this, it's going to sound wrong… so let me start by promising you I will support Buffy no matter what happens. I'll stand by her… do anything… give her anything she needs or wants from me. I care about her… more than anything… and no matter what, this won't change anything between us… I mean, how I feel about her. But… you have to know… Willow… this isn't my baby."

He expected to see indignant anger on the redhead's face, but instead, she only cast her eyes down. "I know." She said softly.

"You… what? You… then, you know… Buffy and I…we never…"

Willow nodded. "I know. We were… we were just talking about it the other day…" Her voice broke and she choked hard on her tears. She missed Buffy already, and desperately wished for her best friend back… Buffy would know what to do, here… Buffy would have the answers… And if she didn't, at least she would give Willow a hug, lie to her, and tell her everything would be just fine.

"Ah." Riley said, still not feeling any better, "Then… who?"

Willow raised her eyes to his, "Buffy's… she's only been… with two people. Oh!" She scowled furiously, "Parker…"

Riley shook his head. "No. I mean, it can't be… Giles said she's a couple of months along… she was with Parker over 6 months ago…"

Willow exhaled loudly. "Right. Good. And somebody would have noticed if Buffy were 6 months pregnant. Besides, these tests are accurate to like, a day…"

Riley gave her a funny look.

"Hey!" Willow said defensively, "My mom took me to Planned Parenthood!"

"Then who, Willow?"

Willow thought hard… could something have been going on that Buffy wasn't telling her about? "The only other…uh… person… I know Buffy has been with was Angel. And he… he can't have children, and that was years ago, anyway."

Riley regarded her skeptically. "Didn't she see him over Thanksgiving break? And… you know… you hear stories all the time about people who didn't think they could have children suddenly ending up pregnant…"

Willow shook her head emphatically. "No. Take my word for it… Angel can't. I mean, besides… they wouldn't… And… she would have told me if anything had happened…" Plus the fact that Angelus probably would have eaten them all by now…

"Are you sure?" Riley asked her.

"Yes. I'm sure. Very, very sure. Angel's out." Willow said without hesitation. She would double check with Giles, of course, just in case, because, well… this was the Hellmouth, after all, and who knew? But there was little doubt in her mind that she had her facts straight -- including that Buffy would have told her if she'd been with somebody else. Especially Angel.

"Which really doesn't make me feel any better…" Riley said.

"I know…" Willow thought again for a moment, then her head snapped up quickly, "Oh! Wait! Could it be, you know, like, parthenogenesis?"

Now it was Riley's turn to look at Willow oddly. "Um… I doubt it, Willow. She may be a superhero, but still… I don't think so."

"I think I'm grasping at straws." Willow said dejectedly.

"I think so." Riley agreed, "Willow… could this be something… supernatural? I mean, things like that are possible, aren't they? Could she have been attacked... forced in some way by some... something?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. We have to talk to Giles."

Riley hesitated for a moment, dreading what was about to happen, and followed her into the waiting room, where they received the same eager looks for a reception. But as soon as the others noted the expressions on Willow's and Riley's faces, they were back to waiting again.

"Giles." Willow said, "We have a problem."

"I should say that we do." He agreed, removing his glasses and looking up at them.

Willow wavered for a split second… was this any of her business? Beyond being the friend, that is… But, no. This was a mystery with Hellmouth written all over it. There was no reason to hid this from any of them… Buffy might need everybody's help once again, on this one…

Giles looked slowly from Willow to Riley and back again. He had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to like what was about to transpire, any more than he had any of the events of the last 10 hours… it was rather akin to the feeling of one's stomach lurching at the smell of haggis.

"What is it?" He asked, cringing slightly.

Willow looked up at Riley, who seemed frozen… unable to move or to speak. So she spoke for him.

"Giles, Riley isn't the father of Buffy's baby." She said matter-of-factly.

Spike sat bolt upright in his chair. This was getting even better than his stories! The Slayer? Expecting?

Even Oz looked shocked.

"Please tell me you meant the father of our country… or some cooky cult or something…" Xander said, standing up.

"Buffy's pregnant." Riley finally found his voice, "That's why she's having such a difficult time recovering…"

Xander unconsciously clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. Anya reached up and grabbed his arm.

"Don't hit him, Xander, it won't help." She said.

Xander refrained, but the urge didn't dissipate.

"What are you saying?" Giles too, rose, and stood inside the little bunch that was growing around Riley and Willow.

"Buffy and Riley have never… you know… been together… in the carnal sense." Willow said.

Xander's nostrils were flaring. "Who told you that? Him?" He pointed at Riley, who stood, slumping, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Willow spun on Xander, "I know Buffy! She would have told me!"

"Is this true?" Giles asked Riley.

The young man looked him straight in the eye. "Yes sir. Buffy and I… we… we want to take things slowly. I mean… our lives… things are so complicated, and… I know she's been hurt before, so we wanted to… be careful with one another…"

Spike rolled his eyes. Goody-goodies. Always whining and mooning and 'doing the right thing'… For the millionth time, he wondered how he, William the Bloody, master of torture and evil guy supreme, had fallen in with such a bunch of squishy losers.

Giles sighed. "I see." He turned back to Willow, "Is there… or was there, someone else?"

"Only Parker…" Willow said, "And Angel…"

"Parker?" Giles hated feeling like he'd missed something important… the boy's name didn't sound familiar.

"He was somebody Buffy…uh… dated… back in the fall." Willow told him.

"Oh. Mmhm. I see." Giles said, "So I assume this boy…"

Willow shook her head. "That was in September."

Giles frowned. "Then, I believe I'm at a loss."

"Join the club." Xander said, finally sitting down.

"Mr. Giles," Riley began, "Could this be something… supernatural?"

Giles looked confused. He felt so muddled and tired…

"Like what happened to Cordelia…" Willow explained.

Riley looked at her. "What? Who? You're high school friend?"

Xander jumped to his feet once again. "Wait a minute! Cordy was PREGNANT?" He practically shouted, then yelped as Anya whacked him, and dragged him back to his seat again.

Giles shook his head. "I don't think so… There are certain symptoms present in a demon implantation… Cordelia, if you remember, woke up after one night with the demon, eight months pregnant. Buffy's pregnancy appears perfectly normal, according to the doctor. It shows none of the requisite signs."

"Too bad." Spike mumbled off-handedly, "We could use a few new demons around here…"

"Still, Giles, there's no other explanation…" Willow pleaded.

Giles looked at her for a long time. He thought he knew Buffy very well indeed, but he knew that Willow was the Slayer's only true confidante… She was the closest to Buffy's innermost thoughts… the closest, perhaps, besides…

"What about this Angel?" Riley suggested again. He couldn't shake the feeling that Buffy's first boyfriend was more central to this than anyone seemed to want to think. "Could something have happened between them at Thanksgiving?"

Xander snorted. Spike laughed out loud. Giles shot them both a dark look.

"Since we all seem to have our necks in the right position, I'm thinking no." Xander snapped under his breath.

Giles ignored him, turning, instead, to address Riley, "I'm certain that Angel is not involved." He said simply.

Riley was unconvinced. "How do you know? I mean, they were close… it only makes sense… The timing is right…"

"I assure you, Angel cannot father a child." Giles repeated.

"Really." Xander added, "Really really."

"Mr. Giles, I'm sure you mean well, but these things happen every day… isn't it possible…"

"Oh, bloody hell PLEASE!" Spike said from his corner. All eyes turned to stare at him. "Doesn't that girl tell you anything? And I don't know what the rest of you are pussyfooting about for…" he turned to Riley, "Angel can't have children, not even with his beloved Slayer, because he is a vampire. And, being dead and all, vampires are 100% infertile. Besides which, when Buffy and Angel snog, seriously amusing, and not easily overlookable, mass-murder things start happening."

The tension building in the room became almost enough to suffocate them all, as they stood there, gaping at Spike. He stood, turned the tele back up, and tuned them all out again as he plopped back into his chair.

"A… a what? Angel is a what?" Riley stammered, completely overwhelmed by this completely unexpected piece of news…

"A vampire." Anya repeated for him.

Riley stared at each of them in turn. Were they nuts?

"Buffy dated a vampire." Riley repeated incredulously, "Are you kidding? A vampire?" he was practically squealing as he squelched the urge to shout what was improper information for the general public.

"Blood-sucking, cross-hating, daylight-fearing… with a soul and everything." Spike grinned briefly at him, "Nasty, isn't it?"

"Spike, do shut up. You're not helping." Giles snapped at him.

Spike put his hands up in surrender and turned back to the tele once again.

Riley flopped into the nearest chair, staring catatonically out into space, while Willow sat next to Giles.

"What are we going to do?" She asked him.

"Wait." He said, "And when Buffy is better… research."

Willow relaxed into a sigh and nodded. They would figure this out… if Buffy lived.


	3. A Conundrum

Hours ticked by. One by one, the gang fell into exhausted, troubled slumber. Around 4:00 p.m., Joyce and Hank returned, and a few minutes later, the doctor joined them once again.

"I have good news." He said.

All the 9 faces in the room turned to him.

"Buffy has further stabilized… she's resting comfortably, now. We think she'll be fine… both of them will."

Cheers and gasps and streams of relieved tears flooded the room as everyone hugged everyone else… even Spike grinned, in spite of himself.

"Can we see her?" Joyce asked, rushing forward.

"You and Mr. Summers may. She's still not fully conscious, and we need to keep her as quiet as possible, for as long as possible. The rest of you might want to consider going home… getting some sleep yourselves."

No one moved a muscle. The doctor smiled -- he had expected as much. He turned and led Hank and Joyce out of the waiting room once again.

"Now comes the really hard part." Xander said.

Everyone simply stared at each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles excused himself to go home and gather some books, while the others ordered pizza for delivery. They sat in a circle, chattering and arguing heatedly about the mystery of Buffy's condition.

Riley sat away from them, still unable to digest what he had learned… let alone add pizza to the mix. Buffy had been in love with a vampire? The thought disgusted and disturbed him -- it violated everything he'd ever believed about the hideous, murdering demons… Buffy had kissed him? Made love with him? Soul or no, vampires were vicious animals… how could she?

The conundrum of the baby's parentage seemed minor, compared to this. Even the daunting tasks to be completed, and the decisions to be made which loomed ahead paled in comparison…

Why hadn't she told him?

He was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up into Willow's kind face.

"Are you okay, Riley?" She asked.

He slowly shook his head. "No. I can say, with absolute certainty, that I am not okay."

Willow sighed. "I know it's hard to understand…"

Riley looked at her, "You don't find any of this…odd? Ironic? I mean, you were there! It never bothered you? Buffy hunts vampires! We all do! Even Spike, who is one! At least his motives are clear…"

"Well…" Willow stammered a little, "I… I mean… It' s hard to explain. It's complicated. Really complicated."

"Yeah. No kidding." Riley said bitterly.

Willow lay her hand on Riley's knee. "Right now, all that matters is getting Buffy through this. And finding out what happened to her."

Riley sighed deeply. "I know. Of course, you're right. I'm just… I'm tired… and all of this is so… much." He smiled wanly at her. "The rest really doesn't matter. That's the past, right? It's behind us. Who Angel is… what he and Buffy might have been… They're not important."

"Not anymore." Willow agreed, "Buffy's moved on from all that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Hank and Joyce returned, everyone was overjoyed to hear that Buffy was awake -- demanding food, company, and answers. The young doctor closely brought up the rear.

"Buffy can have one other visitor, tonight… a short one. She needs her rest."

Everyone looked at one another. Who should go first?

"Willow should go." Xander said.

"Yes. Buffy will want to speak with you." Giles concurred.

Riley nodded in agreement. Willow gave them all the first genuine smile she had shown for days.

"Okay." She said happily, and began following the doctor out.

"Willow…" Giles called after her. Willow stopped and turned around.

"Try not to discuss too much regarding… regarding the child." He said quietly.

Willow nodded, and left.

Anya stretched. Hard. "I need to take a shower. And change. I smell like…" She sniffed herself, "Meat."

Abashed, Xander grinned.

"I'll drive you." Oz volunteered.

"I'll go too." Xander said, rising and taking Anya's hand. "You don't smell like meat." He whispered to her.

"Excellent idea. All of you try to relax… get some rest. You can see Buffy tomorrow." Giles said.

The threesome nodded.

"You'll let us know… if anything happens…" Xander said to him.

"Yes, of course." Giles promised.

"Tell Willow I'll be back." Oz said, and joined the parade heading out the door.

Hank and Joyce also began gathering their things. "Rupert," she said to him, "I'm going to go home… we… have to make some arrangements for Buffy… get some sleep… We'll be back in the morning." She mumbled absently.

"Er… yes. Alright. I'll be here."

Joyce smiled thinly at him, and Hank gave a quick wave as they too, left the waiting room.

The crowd had quickly thinned to two men and a vampire. They regarded one another briefly, then returned to their individual activites: Giles to his book, Riley to his Car & Driver, and Spike to Passions on the tele… his favorite, althought Jerry Springer had been quickly gaining at one point…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow couldn't remember ever being this nervous before… She was so glad that Buffy was going to be okay, and definitely ecstatic that she would get to sit and talk to her best friend again, if only for a few minutes…

The only problem was, what to say? She didn't want to upset Buffy by talking about the mystery child, but she didn't want to upset her by not talking about it, either. Buffy must surely have some idea of what was going on, by now, and unless she knew something the rest didn't, she must be as confused as they were. More so, probably…

The Intensive Care Unit was downright depressing. Dark, bare, and too warm for the comfort of anyone, except, perhaps, those who were unconscious. Buffy lay falt on her back, riddled with tubes and wires, alttached to machines that whirred and beeped and clicked as they monitored her every vital sign… and that of her child.

Willow almost cried at how tiny and pale Buffy looked in the big bed. She was covered in purple bruises and white bandages… every few visible inches of her seemed to be stiched or mended somehow. She looked like she'd been through a war.

Which she had.

The Slayer was staring at one of the nearby monitors when Willow entered.

"Hi." Willow said.

Buffy seemed to have to put a great deal of effort into turning her head.

"Hi Will…" she said, her voice weak and ragged.

Willow sat down in the little chair beside Buffy, and took her best friend's hand.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

Buffy made a weak little motion akind to a shrug. "Like I got pummeled with a truckload of bowling balls. And then I swallowed one."

Willow chuckled. As long as Buffy's sense of humor remained intact, she knew the Slayer would be okay.

By way of encouragement, Willow said, "At least you won…"

Buffy tried to smile a little. "Did I? I wasn't sure…"

"You totaled the place. Burnt the house to the ground…" Willow assured her… although she left out the part where the house almost burned down around Buffy's own ears…

"Good." Buffy said, painfully turning back to look at the monitor she'd been staring at when Willow came in, "That's my baby's heartbeat…" She said, her voice barely a whisper.

Willow looked at it -- strong and even. "Wow." She said.

"They're going to give me a sonogram tomorrow…" Buffy added, "Do you think I should find out if it's a boy or a girl?"

Willow thought she might want to find out if it was human or not, first… Of course, she held her tongue on that one, too. Buffy was obviously in Denial Land, pretending nothing odd was going on, so who was Willow to break her bubble? She played along. "Do you want to know?"

"What I really want to know is…" She sighed, then flinched at the pain.

"Buffy, are you okay? Do you want me to call a nurse?"

Buffy shook her head, "No, I'm… it just hurts. They can't give me anything…"

"Right. The baby…" Willow thought it might be a good thing that Buffy was used to being injured.

The Slayer turned back to look her best friend in the eye. "How did this happen, Willow? How could I have ended up pregnant?"

Willow closed her eyes. So much for the hope that they might have to go there just yet…"I don't know, Buffy. I mean, I'm not supposed to talk about this… they don't want you upset."

"I'm already upset." Buffy said flatly.

"Yeah. I guess you should be… Buffy, I don't want to make things worse, but I have to know… I know you and Riley haven't… but… has there… I mean… is there anything you haven't told me about?" Willow stammered uncomfortably.

A brief flash of anger, then worry, flashed across Buffy's face. "No. Willow, I'd never hide something like that from you…"

Willow breathed a sigh of relief, "That's what I thought. But… you know… to figure this out, we have to know everything. I had to ask."

Buffy nodded stiffly.

"Giles is looking…" Willow added.

Buffy sighed once again. As long as Giles was on it, they'd figure this out. What happened to her? And what must the others be thinking?

"Is Riley here?" She asked.

"Yeah. He's been here the whole time." Willow said, remembering Riley's pain and confusion.

A tear broke free from Buffy's eye and rolled down her cheek. "He must be so angry with me…"

"No! Buffy, no! I mean… he's confused… and upset that you were hurt so badly. But he's not angry with you!" Willow insisted. It would definitely be a bad idea to tell her that Riley now knew what Buffy had apparently chosen not to tell him for some reason -- about Angel…

Buffy cried quietly, alternately shaking and cringing in pain. A nurse scooted in and looked at the monitors, then at the two women.

"I think you'd better go now, dear…Buffy needs her rest." She said to Willow.

Willow nodded, and rose. "Buffy, don't worry. Everything will be okay…"

 

Buffy looked at her best friend with sorrowful eyes, but said nothing. She didn't believe a word of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike looked at the clock for the thousandth time. How bloody long was he supposed to wait here, anyway? The others had gone, except the Watcher, who was practically Buffy's father; and then there was G.I. Loverboy…

What the Hell was he still doing here? Spike was tired, and he was starving. It didn't look like the Slayer would kick the bucket any time soon, and certainly no other soap opera developments would go down tonight…

He felt like a couple of pints of the warm stuf… followed by a couple of pints of the cold stuff.

Right. That was it, then. Drink, drank, drunk. He got up and left the room without a word -- he didn't need to justify his comings and goings to anyone.

Spike found himself whistling the theme from MASH as he stepped out into the cool spring night. It was a perfect one for a good, long, violent hunt. Even if he couldn't really eat at the end…

Maybe he'd take a patrol, later. A good spot of ass-kicking would help him work out the muscle-stiffening tension of sitting still for twenty hours straight.

He sauntered along with his head bowed, looking for something to kick. Just as a warm-up…

Spike almost jumped out of his skin when he ran straight into someone coming form the other direction.

"Ugh! Oh. Sorry, mate…" He began, and looked up…

Into Angel's dark, brooding glare.

"Well, well, well… if it isn't the prodigal demon…" Spike drawled.

"Spike. What are you doing here?" Angel practically hissed at him.

He laughed at his sire. "Heh! I'm part of the Scooby Inner Circle, now, don't you know…"

"Which one are you, Scrappy?" Angel quipped.

"Ah! Very cute! Very funny! When did you start pretending to have a sense of humor?"

"Probably about the time you started pretending you were a white hat."

"Yeah, well…" Spike began his next comeback.

"I don't' have time for this." Angel snapped, and pushed passed him. He had to get to Buffy…

Spike spun around. "Hey, you might not want to go in there! You might want to know how the Slayer's doing, first!"

Angel stopped, but didn't turn. "I'm sure I'll find out inside." He said.

But the bait was already taken. Spike grinned. Any opportunity to torture Soul Boy was an opportunity he was sworn to make the best of.

"She's not dead, that much I can tell you. But…" he waited.

Predictably, Angel turned around, took the ten feet between them in two long strides, and grabbed Spike by the front of his shirt.

"But what." He spat in his childe's face.

"Temper temper!" Spike scolded him, then pushed his hands up and forced Angel to let him go. "BUT… there's a bit of a problem that almost killed our little Buff…"

"WHAT." Angel snapped again.

Spike had never met anyone else in his life who could threaten so many painful, violent, ugly things with the inflection of one simple word. Economy of phrasing was an artfrom. So was torture. And Spike knew that Angel was a master of both.

"Well! As it turns out, our Buff's got a bun in the oven!" He said, as if he were Minerva the Housefrau, gossiping with her friends at the salon.

Angel's face screwed up into the most excruciating look of shock and pain Spike had ever seen… and considering the shock and pain he himself had caused in his lifetime, that was saying something.

"But there's more…" he offered.

Angel's brow scrunched further. Spike leaned in close to his sire, whispering conspiratorially into his ear:

"Nobody seems to know who the proud papa is…" He said, grinning.

Angel growled at him.

"Well! Must go. Things to do…You'll tell Buffy I said Hi and Congratulations, won't you?" He chuckled, and swaggered away, whistling My Favorite Things.

Angel watched him for a moment before he turned and finished his trek into Sunnydale General.

It was going to be a long night.


	4. An Enigma

Willow looked carefully around the nurse's station. No one seemed to be anywhere nearby. She noted the computer on the far side of the long countertop. There were the answers they sought -- Buffy's records. She hauled herself up on to the desk, and strained to reach over to the keyboard.

She held herself perched on her stomach, craning her head to get a better look at the monitor. Following the menus, she clicked a few keys until she came to the patient chart database. Everything the hospital knew about Buffy would be in there…

She broke the encryption and passwords easily, and began searching for the file…

"Willow." Came a deep voice from behind her.

She jumped, leaped off the counter, and spun around. "What? Nothing!" She shouted. Then, she saw who it was. "Angel."

"Hi." He said.

Willow grabbed him in a crushing embrace, which he returned, with only slightly less fervor.

"Hi! Oh. Wait…" She stumbled, "How did you know…"

He looked at her evenly, with no expression in his big, dark eyes. "I knew." He said simply.

Willow gaped at him. "Oh. Right. Of course." She said.

"How is she?"

Willow looked at him, wondering at the tired shadows under his eyes… how could a dead person possibly look tired? "We were really afraid, for a while. She's hurt pretty badly… but, I think she's going to be okay."

Angel literally breathed a sigh of relief. Willow's news, he could trust.

He looked shyly down at the floor. "And the baby?"

Willow's eyes flew open wide, "You knew that too?"

"No. Spike told me. In the parking lot."

"I bet that made his night…" Willow mumbled under her breath.

"What?" Angel asked.

"Nothing. The… the baby's fine, too. I guess Buffy's Slayer power saved it. But it almost killed her…"

"You said she's okay…" Angel said, the edge of panic swiftly returning to his voice.

"Oh! Yeah, she is… I mean… They are! Or, they will be… Buffy's tired and pretty beat up, but…"

"Where is she? Can I see her?" He asked, fighting the damned tears that had threatened behind his eyelids for the past 24 hours. He'd known the moment that something had gone wrong, but he had wasted time questioning his senses as well as his motives… Maybe he was just reacting to the desperate aching he seemed to feel for her, even after all this time…

"Visiting hours are over for tonight. And… Angel… You should talk to Giles first. There's something… weird… about the baby…" Willow felt like an idiot, unable to describe what was going on.

"Spike mentioned something like that. So, it's true, then? Buffy doesn't know…"

"… Who the father is." Willow finished for him, glad to be able to talk to someone who not only cared, but who really might be able to do something about it. "The tests say she's about 14 weeks. But… she hasn't… you know… been with anybody since long before that. Like, WAY long…"

Angel ticked off the time in his head. 14 weeks? Thanksgiving. He felt a distinct sinking sensation begin to burn in his stomach.

"I have to talk to Buffy." He said, "Now."

"But… Angel, what?"

"Where is her room." He murmured, his voice assuming a dangerous, hypnotic edge.

Willow wondered if maybe that was one of the vampire things he could do, but never did, because he thought it would freak people out… There was no other word to describe the degree of intensity written on his features, but "driven".

"302. At the end of the hall…" he sprinted off, "Angel!" She called after him, but the vampire had already disappeared into the shadows down the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel had gotten past far tighter security than this, in his life… The ICU nurse was deeply embroiled in a Danielle Steel novel at her post, and he snuck past her with ease, as though he were merely part of the shadows.

What if he had been a real predator, out to finish the Slayer in her weakened condition? Angel made a mental note to say something to Giles about the security. After.

He crept silently into Buffy's room, in case she was sleeping, but she was waiting for him, looking out into the hall.

She'd sensed him the moment he'd entered the building. And once she realized that it was Angel who was coming, another certainty had begun to grow inside her, as well.

"Hi." She said as he came in the door.

He stood beside Buffy's bed, looking down at her. All her parts seemed to be intact… and then there was the addition of the little bulge he could see through the thin hospital blanket, where her board-flat stomach should be…

"Hi." He said, "I'm sorry, I didn't bring you anything. I was, uh… in a hurry." He gestured at the near jungle of plants all around the room.

Buffy nodded. "It's okay." She said weakly. She had known deep inside her, the moment she fell, screaming, under the wreckage of the burning farmhouse, that Angel would hear her… feel her pain. She knew, the whole time, that he would come for her, in what she imagined was Hell.

Looking at her pale, bruised face, he thought of how close he had come to losing her… again. Forever.

Better judgment was nowhere to be found… Angel reached out and brushed her matted hair away from her face. Buffy easily could have died… and the child… his child…

Angel sat hard in the chair Willow had vacated not long before. He took Buffy's hand, and she watched him struggle to control his obvious anguish. It didn't take him long to give in, overcome, and he collapsed against her, weeping.

"God, Buffy, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you!" He sobbed, stroking her hand… the only place he could touch her, and be sure he wasn't hurting her.

Buffy began to cry again, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow brought the tray of coffee into the waiting room. Giles now had a stack of books beside him, and was reading another intensely.

Willow looked at the other side of the room, and was surprised to see Riley still there, asleep sitting up in one of the chairs.

Oh god. She had forgotten he was there.

Giles noticed her approach, "Ah, Willow. Coffee…excellent." He yanked off his glasses and rubbed his bleary eyes, "How is Buffy?" he asked, as he took a Styrofoam cup from the tray and sipped at it gratefully.

Willow set the tray on the table and settled in beside him. "She's okay. She's… upset. And confused." She looked down at her hands, "Angel's here."

Giles' cup stopped moving halfway to his mouth and hung there. "What? What did you say?"

"Angel is here." Willow repeated, "I saw him in the hall…"

"How? Why?" Giles muttered.

"He knows something, Giles… I could tell… about the baby, maybe…" Willow told him.

"Where is he now?"

"He went to see Buffy." She said.

"Ohdearohdear." Giles mumbled.

"I hate it when you say that." Willow said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Angel had been able to collect himself, they sat in silence for a long time, listening to the machines work.

What could he say to her? How could he possibly explain how it came to be that she was carrying he child, and had no recollection of why?

Angel silently cursed the Powers That Be for their cruelty… and the Oracles for their extremely sloppy work.

"How do you feel?" He asked Buffy finally.

They were still holding hands, but Buffy frowned.

"Like I'm missing some important backstory…" She said. Her voice implied an accusation, but it wasn't exactly angry…

Angel looked down at their clasped hands. He could feel the electricity that pulsed between them. And he could hear two heartbeats, as clear as day, one echoing the other…

"I guess you heard." She said.

He nodded.

"And you probably know about the big mystery, too…" She added.

"Yes." He said.

"So?"

He looked up. Now she looked angry. He would almost say that she had color in her cheeks.

"So…" he said vaguely.

"So, do you care to explain? Because the last time I checked, you couldn't get pregnant arguing with your dead ex-boyfriend for five minutes."

Angel sighed and let go of her hand. "It's complicated. Very… hard to explain… or to understand." He said, running his fingers through is thick hair, unable to meet her gaze.

"Considering I don't remember anything, I guess it would be. What happened?"

He looked back up into her eyes at last, "Buffy…" he objected.

"Angel, please. You have to tell me. I have to know how this happened."

He looked at her for a long moment. "I don't know where to begin…"

"Well, not to be too cliché, but, how about the beginning?" She said gently.

He sighed once again. "We were attacked by a Morah Demon…" he began.

"I remember." Buffy said, "Impressive kill. What does that have to do with anything?"

"That wasn't the first time it attacked us." He said.

Confusion was clear on Buffy's face, even through the cuts, bruises, swelling, and bandages.

"The first time, we fought it." He went on, "It got way, so we tracked it… I cornered it in the sewers, and I killed it. I was… I was injured… my hand. Some of its blood mixed with mine… it…" he fought to keep his voice steady, "It brought me back to life."

Buffy gasped. "What?"

"I was alive, Buffy." He repeated.

She stared at him. "Alive, like, oxygen-breathing, food-eating, dying-in-a-hundred-years-or-less alive?"

He nodded.

"Oh." She whispered.

"I went to see the Oracles -- the messengers for the Powers That Be -- to see what it meant. They told me I… I could live my life, and die like any other mortal. They released me from my duty."

Angel paused, gathering strength for the next, and hardest, part.

"I found you… where you'd gone to hunt the demon. I brought you back to my place, and… we talked… about what this meant to us, and how we should handle things from there… We decided to take it slow. To make sure that everything would be okay. You went to leave, and… you… you touched me, and…" he swallowed hard, "We… spent that night, and the next day, together."

Buffy looked at him in shock. It felt like he was aloud reading a dream that she had written in her diary… a dream she'd had a thousand times…

"So that explains…" she said, "But… you're not… not alive, now. And I don't remember anything that you're telling me…"

He looked straight at her.

"The demon wasn't dead. Doyle…" and there was that pain, again, "Doyle had a vision. He wanted to wake you, but… I wouldn't let him. We tried to fight it, but it was too strong. It almost killed us both. It would have, if you hadn't figured out what we were doing and come yourself. It told us… that Armageddon was approaching… and army of legions of demons… and I knew…"

"Knew what?" Buffy whispered, still incredulous, and growing more so by the minute.

"I knew it couldn't last." He said, taking her hand again, "That… as a man, I would only be a liability to you. Having to protect me would get you killed. And… I wouldn't be able to help you fight what was coming…"

A sneaking sensation crawled up Buffy's battered spine, "What did you do, Angel?" she whispered painfully.

He looked back at the floor. Always, there was this, when he relived the events of that day in his mind… this second-guessing, this pain: had he done the right thing? Could they have found some way to make it work, if only he had let them try? "I went to the Oracles to beg for your life. I asked them to take mine back in return." He said.

Buffy's reply was shocked; almost at hiss, "You did what?"

Angel looked back up at her and steadied himself, firm once again in his conviction that he had done the only thing he could do, for her, whatever the consequences they might be facing now…"I convinced them to turn me back into a vampire." He said.

Now Buffy was crying. "Why!?" She whined pitifully, "Why would you do that???"

Angel took a deep, unneeded breath, "Buffy, I had no choice. Don't you see? If I stayed human, I would be of no use to you… or to the cause we fight for. I could only be a danger to you. Eventually, one or both of us would be killed because of it."

She was silent.

He went on, "They agreed to take back the day. Swallow it, so that none of it ever happened. And I would be the only one to remember, to make sure it didn't happen again. So… we said our good-byes, and then we were back to the morning before. You remember what happened from there…"

Buffy still said nothing, but stared at him angrily, her cheeks stained with tears.

Angel couldn't look in her yes, at the hurt… the confusion… the anger, there. All her pain, caused by him once again.

"I'm sorry, Buffy." He said softly, "You were never supposed to know…"

He could hear her teeth grinding, and looked up once again. She had turned her face away.

"How could you?" She whispered, "How could you do this to me?"

Angel slumped in his chair. "I did what I thought was best." He offered weakly.

Buffy's head snapped back around, and she glared at him.

"Get out." She snapped.

"Buffy, I…"

"Please. Leave. I'm tired." She was frowning so hard, it hurt.

Angel rose slowly and began to move toward the door.

"You'd better tell the others." She said harshly, "They're worried."

He nodded, took one long, last look at her, turned, and melted back into the shadows. Buffy lay both of her hands on her belly.

"Damnit, Angel." She said to his retreating figure, and cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you quite serious?" Giles said, in the closest thing to a shout one could make, when whispering.

"Wow." Willow said, flabbergasted.

"Yes." Angel said, "The Oracles said they would wipe out the day."

"Well, they didn't do a very good job." Xander snarled. He hadn't been able to sleep, and had come back with Oz to keep the others company until they could see Buffy in the morning. To say Angel's appearance surprised them was an understatement only made more epic by the story he told.

Angel bowed his head, ashamed once again for causing Buffy… and the others… so much pain.

"My god." Giles said, setting the last of his books on the pile beside him. He imagined he wouldn't be needing Mysteries of Demon Possession, now.

What Rupert needed now, you had to be 21 to acquire… and you couldn't drink it in the hospital waiting room.

"You told Buffy all of this?" He asked Angel.

Angel nodded. "She needed to know. And she suggested I tell you."

"Good plan." Oz observed.

They all looked up when they heard a shocked gasp from the other side of the room.

Riley had awakened and now stood outside their little circle.

"Riley…" Willow said.

He stared at them, one by one… and when his gaze settled on Angel's pale features, his mouth turned down into a vicious scowl.

Angel stared evenly back at him.

No one had any idea what to say.

"I have to go." Riley said finally, not taking his eyes from Angel's, "They're paging-- I'm on duty."

After another long moment, he marched out of the room.

"Ouch." Oz observed.


End file.
